


Out of your god damn mind.

by inflowers



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 22:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16293398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inflowers/pseuds/inflowers
Summary: "You heard me," Mike says, standing and pacing the room. "What are you waiting for? What are we waiting for? You kissed me eight weeks ago, and you still haven't mentioned it."





	Out of your god damn mind.

"What are you waiting for?"

Mike, two weeks into the biggest trial of his life, buried knee deep in paperwork in the corner of Harvey's office, has finally had enough. He's done with this, he's had enough of this nonsense and he's going to do something about it.

"What?"

"You heard me," Mike says, standing and pacing the room. "What are you waiting for? What are **_we_** waiting for? You kissed me eight weeks ago, and you still haven't mentioned it."

"You haven't either." Harvey looks up from the file in his hand, and damn that smirk on his face. "I thought we were pretending it never happened."

"I was waiting for you to say something about it."

"Were you?" Harvey challenges, inching forward in his chair. "Or were you waiting for me to do it again?"

"That..." Mike pauses, because god damn if that isn't the truth. But Harvey is the last person he wants to know that, because he wants to be holding at least some of the cards. At least, he wants to be pretending to hold some of the cards because if he's really honest, and he knows that Harvey knows this as well, he's just along for the ride. He always has been. This is Harvey's show, and if he's lucky enough to have a role in it then he's going to take full advantage of that. "That's not the point."

"Isn't it?" Harvey challenges, still leaning forward in the chair while he watches Mike pace back and forth, always thinking like his brain might implode if he stops for even a millisecond. "I think it's at the very least arguably relevant to what this is about."

"Why do you always do this?" Mike sighs frustratedly, as he finally takes a seat. It doesn't go unnoticed to either of them that he sits as far away from Harvey as possible.

"That doesn't seem fair, Mike. As far as I can recall this is the very first time I've ever kissed a subordinate and then refused to talk about."

"You know that makes it sound like you've kissed a few subordinates and then talked about it, right?"

"Which wouldn't be too far from the truth." Harvey pauses, his lips quirking in a smile, "Why, you jealous?"

"Why would I be jealous? I don't have time to be jealous, Harvey. I spend all my waking life running your practice and being consumed by my own insecurities about not being good enough for you. I don't have time to think about anyone else being in your bed because it's hard enough trying not to think of _me_ being in your bed."

"Why don't you want to think about that, Mike?" Harvey stands, slowly stalking towards Mike, like the best kind of predator.

"You know why." Mike almost whines, but he knows that's not going to help his cause. He has to at least keep the illusion that he's got it under control, even when the evidence suggests that he probably doesn't.

"I do." Harvey responds, nodding. Because of course he knows. "But you'll feel better if you just say it."

Mike watches him, studies him for a few seconds as he ponders his next move. Because he knows this is it, this is going to be the moment that defines where they go from here. They're either in or they're out, and if they're out then Mike is _way_ out. He can't keep doing this dance around Harvey forever. He needs to know where he stands, so he takes a leap. If Harvey has taught him anything, it's that when your back is against the wall, don't back down. Mike goes all in.

"Because if I start thinking about it, Harvey -" he says, moving closer to where Harvey has smugly perched himself on the edge of his desk, "then I won't be able to stop."

"That's not such a bad thing, in my opinion." 

"Well your opinion doesn't count for much right now," Mike tries to diffuse the situation because he knows where this will end up. He's known it from the beginning, but he's trying to convince himself that he doesn't want it nearly half as much as they both know he does.

"That's not true. That's never been true," Harvey argues, drumming his fingers along the edge of the glass desk. "You've always cared about my opinion."

"Can we just stop, before this gets any more complicated than it already is?"

"No." Harvey says after a few seconds of silence. "You don't want to do that anyway." 

"I hate that you always act like you know what I want."

"Deny it, then." Harvey offers, because he's nothing if not a gentleman. "Tell me that you don't want this and that'll be enough. I think it's obvious what I want, Mike - but I'm not stupid enough to pursue it at the expense of my career. I'm not risking a sexual harassment suit just because I think your eyes are pretty."

"You think my eyes are pretty?" Mike suddenly asks, and he knows that asking shows more than he wants to. Asking is a crystal clear indication that he cares what Harvey thinks of him, that he cares whether Harvey thinks he's attractive. It doesn't need to be admitted by either of them, because they both know, but Mike clarifying seals the deal.

Harvey doesn't say anything but the look on his face says it all. 

"Please don't do this." Mike asks quietly, sighing heavily.

"I'm not doing anything, Mike. This is all up to you."

"It's not though, is it?" Mike suddenly stands, begins his pacing again. "I feel like I've had no control over this since the beginning."

"Since I kissed you?"

"No, since I met you." Mike answers, and now that he's started talking he doesn't think it's likely that he'll stop. "I feel like everything that's happened since the beginning of time has been leading me to this moment and I'm terrified to admit what I really want because I'm not sure if it's what you really want too. And if it's not, then I don't want to do this. I don't want scraps of it, Harvey."

"Scraps of what? What are you so afraid to admit?"

"You already know," Mike pleads. He doesn't want to say it out loud, not when he's so unsure of what Harvey's response will be. "Fuck, Harvey. You've always known. Don't pretend like you haven't. Don't pretend like what happened eight weeks ago was a spur of the moment decision. You planned it because you knew that I wanted it. Because it's so god damn obvious that I've been head over my fucking ass in love with you since you first smirked at me with your god damn perfect face and your god damn perfect smirk."

Mike sits almost instantly, like he's spent. And he is. Because he's been keeping this all under wraps for years now. It's been so long since he first admitted to himself that Harvey Specter had somehow become the love of his life, and how that fact doesn't even bother him. In fact, up until this moment he's enjoyed knowing that he loves Harvey, even if up until a few months ago he was sure Harvey didn't care one way or the other. He's enjoyed the feeling of warmth that pooled in his stomach every time Harvey came near him. He's enjoyed subtly watching the way Harvey's suit wrinkled in certain places when he'd had a stressful day, running between court and his office and Mike's cubicle. He's enjoyed knowing that he's capable of a deep, lasting and meaningful love that he wasn't sure he would be able to experience again after the death of his parents and his grandmother.

And up until eight weeks ago, he's never really been bothered by the idea that Harvey would never love him back. It hurt, sure, but he was glad he had Harvey in whatever capacity he did and he knew that eventually he would meet someone whom he would love as much, if not more than Harvey, and that his life would continue the way it was 'supposed to.' But in the mean time, he had his love for Harvey and that was always enough.

Except Harvey had kissed him eight weeks ago in the copier room, all bunched up against the door and heat and teeth and lips. It was the best and worst kiss Mike had ever experienced, because it changed how he felt about his love for Harvey. Suddenly, just having that feeling in his blood wasn't enough. Suddenly, he needed more. He needed Harvey in every way, and it wasn't enough to just love him from the sidelines.

Having kissed Harvey Specter meant that, to Mike, the world would never be okay again unless he could kiss Harvey Specter every day for the rest of his life.

It ruined all that Mike had worked for, and he spent eight weeks trying desperately to claw his way back to his place of contentment, all the while Harvey pretended that it had never happened in the first place. Which is how Mike found himself in Harvey's office, finally asking when they were going to talk about it so that Mike could just stop torturing himself with the idea that maybe, maybe they could work it out. He needed a resolute answer, and he wasn't leaving Harvey's office without one.

"Feel better?" Harvey asks, eyebrow raised in question.

"No," Mike answers. He's not really sure whether that's true, though. Maybe it's for the best that it's all out in the open now even though Harvey must have always known, but he can't take those words back.

"Yes you do." Harvey laughs softly and shakes his head, and god damn that he knows Mike better than he knows himself. "Come here."

"I'm not coming anywhere _near_ you, Harvey. You and I both know this is a terrible idea."

"It's not," Harvey argues, "It's a great idea. There's no one around, we're the only ones left in the office and you've just had an emotional breakdown. Come here so I can do what any good boss would do."

"Fire me for not leaving my emotional issues at the door?" Mike guesses, in any attempt to delay the inevitable. Because he wants what's about to happen, but he knows he can't go back from it. If Harvey kisses him again, which is seeming more and more likely as the seconds tick by, Mike will be done. It'll be all over. No going back.

"You wish." Harvey responds, and if Mike isn't going to go to him then he's going to go to Mike. He walks the few steps to Mike's seat, and drops to his knees because this is important and with some dry cleaning his suit will look brand new again.

"Michael." Harvey says sternly, because Mike isn't looking at him. In the three years it's been since Mike met Harvey, he's called him Michael twice. And both of those times, he wasn't kidding around. He isn't kidding around now, either. "Look at me."

"Please don't do this if this isn't what you want." Mike says softly, resolutely not looking Harvey in the eyes because he knows those eyes. He knows that if he looks, he's not going to be able to look away. "Harvey-"

And then Harvey's lips are on his, and one of Harvey's hands is cradling Mike's face and the other is buried in his hair and suddenly Mike can't breathe, but it's okay because Harvey is breathing for both of them. Somehow this kiss is even better than the last one, maybe because this time Mike isn't surprised by it. He's in love with Harvey Specter, and this kiss is just the physical manifestation of that.

"Harvey," He whimpers, and he knows how undignified he sounds. "Please don't do this."

"Why do you think this isn't what I want?" Harvey questions, his lips still so close to Mike's that he only needs to breathe the words out. "Why are you always pushing me away?"

"Because," Mike huffs, frustratedly and actually does push Harvey away. "Because I know you. I know you better than you think you do. I've seen you do this, every now and then. Get so close to actually having something real, and then you run. I don't want to be the one you run out on." He pauses, before he clarifies, "No, I'm not **going** to be the one you run out on." 

Mike stands and brushes nothing off his pants, because he needs to keep his hands busy. He walks towards the door of Harvey's office, taking one final look back at Harvey, still on his knees, looking down at his hands.

"I..."

"Don't you dare." Harvey says quietly, resolutely looking anywhere but at Mike. "Don't you dare tell me that you love me and then walk away. That's such a fucking dick move, Mike."

"How did you know that was what I was going to say?"

"Because I know you, too."

"If you know it, why do you do this? Why are you playing this game?"

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that this is something I want?" Harvey suddenly challenges, finally getting to his feet but turning his back on Mike as he speaks. "You fall in love with people all the time. Jenny, Tess, Rachel... and don't think I don't know about your history with Trevor. But when it's me you're all of sudden concerned about getting hurt? What's different?"

"Jesus, Harvey. Don't you get it?" Mike walks towards Harvey, having given up on his dramatic exit. He wonders whether he really had the intention to leave, or whether he was just trying to get Harvey to admit to something, anything. "This is different. You're different. You're different because I'm pretty sure you're **it**."

 "What does that even mean?" Harvey, like Mike, is not in the mood to play this game either.

"Don't pretend like you don't know, Harvey. You're it for me. You're the one. And even if I'm not your one, it doesn't change anything. I'll still feel this way about you. Don't you see why it's so much worse, you dangling this in front of me, than if you just pretended like there was nothing between us?"

"How is that better, Mike? How is any of this better?"

"Because I don't know how you feel about this. I don't know what you want, and not knowing is driving me crazy."

"I think it's pretty clear that I want you." Harvey says quietly, his back still turned to Mike because he's sure the desperation is painted all over his face.

"But for how long, Harvey? How long until this isn't fun for you anymore?"

"Why does there have to be a time limit?"

"Because there just is with you. There's a time limit on everything, especially when it comes to you and your complete inability to really appreciate what you want."

"I know you think you know me so well-" Harvey starts, but Mike interrupts before he gets very far.

"It's because I do."

"Fine, but you don't know this. Mike," He pauses for a minute, like maybe he's gathering the courage to say what he hasn't been able to say before. And this could be their moment, the one that changes everything, "You're god damn delusional if you think I'm not head over my ass in love with you too."

There's a second where Mike thinks he might have heard him wrong. Where he might have been projecting all his hopes onto an interaction that was never destined to give him exactly what he wants. There's a second where Mike thinks that he should turn and run and they should never speak about this again, but then he looks at Harvey and Harvey is looking at him and suddenly everything is so clear to him. This is it. He can't walk away now. 

"What?"

"Come on, Mike." Harvey is frustrated, and they both know it won't be long before that frustration turns into anger. "You know. Of _course_ you know. Everyone else knows."

"Who else knows?" 

"Well Donna, for one. Jessica. Rachel. Even Louis god damn knows."

"Louis?" Mike asks incredulously, and he has to sit because he feels as though the world is slipping out from underneath his feet. "How does _Louis_ know?"

"I don't know, he just always has." And Harvey shrugs like that explains everything, and somehow it does. "You didn't know?" 

"No." Mike answers honestly, sighing heavily. "I just... I hoped, you know? I hoped that this wasn't just physical. That you weren't just attracted to me because I practically worship the ground that you walk on. I hoped there was something more to it, but it just seemed so... unlikely."

Harvey walks towards Mike, where he's taken a seat on the couch. For the first time in his life he's not sure what to do, suddenly so unsure of everything. Should he sit? Should he stay standing? Should he say anything? Should he kiss him again and maybe never kiss anyone but him? Some decisions are bigger than others, but he pauses a minute and finally sits, content that this is one decision he could make right here, right now.

"Why?"

"Because you're... _you_. And I'm... _me_." Like that explains anything at all.

"What does that mean?" 

"I look at you Harvey and it's just like... you're so god damn put together. Outwardly, at least. You seem to have control of everything, and you seem to always be one step ahead of everyone. And I just feel like I'm lucky to be along for that ride, but that I'm always playing catch up. It's not like I have self esteem issues but sometimes I look at you and I just think, what would you ever want with me?" 

"Do you really think that little of yourself, Mike? Have I taught you nothing?"

"You've taught me everything." Mike says quietly, still not quite making eye contact with Harvey. 

"I obviously haven't. I'm only put together because I know you're always there to fix it every time something goes wrong. How do you not know by now that I'm in control of everything **because** of you, not compared to you?"

"That's all nice and romantic Harvey, but you handled everything just fine before I came along."

"Listen to me," Harvey says forcefully, grabbing hold of Mike's face and forcing him Mike to look at him, " **Nothing** was fine before you, okay? Nothing. I may have thought everything was fine, but then you dropped weed all over the floor of my hotel room and suddenly I knew that my life before you was missing everything I needed."

"Harvey -" Mike starts, but he's interrupted again.

"No. Listen to me. I know you're scared. Fuck." Harvey exhales forcefully, like he's shaking off some of his own fears. "I am too. I get that this changes everything. But god damn it, Mike. I _want_ everything to change. That's why I kissed you." 

"But what if it's not what you really want, Harvey?" Mike almost whispers, his eyes still skittering around even though Harvey's hands hold his head firmly in place. "What if -"

"I can't make guarantees. But you already know that. You know better than anyone that life kicks in you in the ass sometimes, especially when you're least expecting it. The only thing I can promise is that I'll be there when the ass-kicking happens." 

Mike smiles bashfully, as Harvey's hands drop and Mike leans forward to rest his forehead against Harvey's. 

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say that sounds almost like a proposal." 

Harvey returns the smile, breathing deeply as Mike inches closer to him on the couch.

"You're out of your mind." 

"I don't want to pretend the kiss never happened." Mike admits, taking Harvey's hand in his. 

"I _can't_ pretend the kiss never happened." Harvey responds, stroking the back of Mike's hand softly. It's not in his nature to be this romantic, but the moment seems to call for it and he's trying to make Mike understand how much he's in this, and how he's in it for good. "Not now that I know what it's like." 

"So what now?" Mike hesitantly asks, still scared of the answer but taking a leap of faith and jumping head first anyway. 

"I'm going to kiss you again. And then we'll go from there." Harvey says, like it's the simplest, most natural thing in the world. 

So he does.

And it is.  


End file.
